Monday, February 13, 2017

How to Love a Gardener Redux

I originally posted this in 2015 but it's one of my faves so here it is again.

I'm convinced most gardeners see the world a bit differently than others. We all know real love is announced through all the small things that are - or are not - done through out the year rather than a single grand gesture on a manufactured holiday. But if you wanted to woo your favorite gardener, how would you do it? Rest easy and follow these steps. You are guaranteed to make an impression.


When the gardener is covered with compost and sweat, avoid statements such as, "What the hell happened to you? Were you hit by a a manure truck?" and "Sweet Mother of God, you smell like a goat." Instead, while they're showering find a way to make dinner magically appear, quickly pay the delivery person, and open a bottle of wine.  


Instead of traditional chemical-laden roses and cheap box of candy, consider this approach, "I've hired David Austin and his landscaping crew to dig up the rest of the lawn and personally select a dozen of his most fragrant roses for you to enjoy all summer. When I told them I was trying to romance you, he suggested I buy the 'In the Mood' package." 

Hey, baby! The landscapers are here!

Instead of telling the gardener the pink things by the yellow flowers next to the bushes look good, try Latin. "The planting of silene and tulips near the osmanthus 'Goshiki' is beautiful" just might help you get lucky. But butchering the Latin and telling them the "sireen and tulips by the gohsweeki are really nice" is probably better than nothing.




But if you really want some lovin', snuggle up close and whisper in his/her ear, " I cleaned, sharpened, and organized all your tools."


40 comments:

  1. I have never read this before. I totally agree with the last suggestion. There would be some serious action taken in thanks for this chore to be done. Happy Valentines day to you too.

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    1. I clean my tools but don't expect anyone else to. I don't celebrate Valentine's Day but many people do so I went ahead and posted this. It's good advice, regardless of the holiday. :o)

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  2. I'm so pleased that you reposted this. I really enjoyed reading it and I particularly like the 'Talk nerdy to me' sign. I am now on the lookout for someone who embroiders as I think it would make a splendid sampler. Happy Valentine's Day!

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    1. Talk Nerdy to Me is the best! Intelligence is sexy. :O)

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  3. Wonderful! I hope your husband is whispering some of those sweet nothings in your ear this Valentine's Day.

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    1. We don't celebrate Valentine's Day but he is supportive of my garden. :o)

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  4. Lovely, I hope your husband has picked up a few hints.

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    1. He very reliably orders pizza or makes dinner when I'm gardening til dark. It's either that or starve but we both benefit. :o)

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  5. How about a gift certificate to your gardener's favorite nursery?

    (Although I do also like chocolate.) :)

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  6. Love this phrase: dear, I cleaned, sharpened and organized all your tools and put them in the shed. It's beginning of spring, Tammy. Great post!

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  7. This would definitely work on me. I'm going to pass this along as a hint.

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  8. Those naked cowboys look funny with tennis shoes on. But then, they might get a rock rash if they fall on the slippery path.

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  9. My sweetheart has it figured out: I'm lucky that way.

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  10. Those naked landscapers always make me laugh.

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  11. After an evening of watching and reading the news, this post was just what I needed to start my day with a smile! Thanks for re-posting this, Tammy:)

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  12. Enjoyed this post. Happy belated Valentine's Day!

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  13. Oh, what a great laugh :) You hit the nail on the head, Tammy...now to forward this to my significant other :)

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  14. OMG .... Tammy girl .... THANK YOU for this laugh ... I remember reading it before but I so needed to be reminded of your insane humor and some how mine as well (which has been lost most of this past year) ... boy howdy do those landscapers make me giggle/snort ... and how can you not LOVE James Bond aka Danny Boy : ) ... have you seen a new series called Taboo ? Tom Hardy's voice .. well I better not say what it does for me but if he were whispering in my ear , in the garden ... I would make those landscapers BLUSH ! LOL
    Love the laughter ... thanks girl !
    Joy : )

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    1. You are welcome! Sweet Pete, I love Daniel Craig but a man with a sexy voice... so hard to resist! If he's also intelligent, funny, kind, and has dark hair, I'm a puddle of goo. It's pathetic!

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  15. Hello Tammy, I recognise this post from the first time I saw it, I was hooked on Bond, still am. I'd love for him to come and polish my tools, after dealing with the four tons of compost sat in bulk bags on the drive, that is, because, you know, gardening comes first.

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    1. I would love for Daniel Craig to show up and just do ANYTHING!!

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  16. LOL!!!! Thank you for a good laugh!!!! I have been covered in dirt and my neighbor always asks me, "What happeed to you??? so true!!! Love your humor:-) + great funny pics!

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    1. I'm a complete disaster after a day in the garden. I usually look like I've been hit by a train and smell like a barn.

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  17. It's just as good the second time! A classic.

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  18. I enjoyed this even more second time around. Fabulous!!!! Just brilliant.xxx

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